Fight or flight...

As I approached my fortieth year, I became fascinated with the samurai and their unwritten rules of conduct, the Bushido Code. 

Alas, I haven’t been to Japan nor met a Samurai, nor have qualities worthy of warrior status. Even still, I regularly reflect on the Bushido virtue of courage, particularly in the face of fear.

I am exemplary at feeling scared and struggle to stir a desire to overcome.

In fact, when the opportunity arises to face fear something stops me.

“Next time,” I offer in a consoling manner. “You don’t have time today,” I reassure.

And I’m not the only one in our family who fears. Katie is petrified of spiders. And I mean arachnophobia.

There was the showdown at Conara Junction where, hobbled by recent hip surgery, I valiantly attempted to evict a spider loitering in the air vent. It was dead…

And the romantic, pelican encounter at Binalong Bay. At the time we were courting, and I naively supposed that Katie had stopped to view magnificent birdlife at an idyllic parking spot… Rather, the 1993 Daihatsu Charade’s hatchback window looked like a scene from Spiderman.

The Huntsman was relocated and exterminated with an aggressive stomp…right next to said spider.

Katie will never overcome her fear of spiders, and she’s not particularly courageous around them, but does it really matter? Perhaps it just keeps her alert and alarmed, which is, in her mind, essential.

Not to be outdone, I fear heights amongst other things. Heights induce cold shivers, knowing when I push myself to experience, unsteady feet and a clumsy, yet desperate search for an anchor point, step or handrail to maintain balance is the response.

In September 1987 I found myself laying prone, holding onto a farm fence with my dad by my side, gripping ferociously as the wind threatened to blow us off the Giant’s Causeway in County Antrim.

It was long before guide rails and safety fences offered protection for visitors, and you were able to walk the entire way; viewing the basalt causeway and columns from precarious vantage points.

During the adventure, I genuinely feared for my life and didn’t wish to join Finn Mac Cool on his way to Scotland.

Ironically, it remains one of my favourite destinations and our adored Labrador, the late Finn, named after the Giant, reminded me constantly of that day for nearly 15 years.

As a child, I feared the dark and can distinctly remember one frosty morning as a paper boy being scared stiff when, on hearing a noise while crossing a dark thoroughfare, I was instantly blinded by fear. It was a bizarre sensation with my heart mimicking the pistons of a race car.

There was a cricket game at Trevallyn in 1988, when joined by my great mates, Rob Artis and Matt Shipp, we approached a North versus South encounter with trepidation. We had heard of a young fast-bowler, Gerard Denton, who became a Tigers’ legend.

The three of us spent a Friday afternoon with our much-respected Riverside High School PE teacher, Mr (Brett) Fryett, searching for helmets. At the time, a thigh pad had not even become a member of my kit bag, yet we uncovered what could be best described as a BMX helmet to quell our fear of physical harm.

Rob opened the batting and faced a genuinely quick Grade 7 student without the lid.

My dismissal transpired after nervously playing-on to a left-arm orthodox; feeling relieved when trudging off.

And in 2013, Errol Stewart launched his Silo Hotel project on North Bank.

When I arrived, my instincts ensured acknowledgement of a boom lift and TV cameras in position.

No words adequately describe my heart’s pounding. Fortunately, then Premier Lara Giddings, as brave as they come, was also onsite to enjoy the view.

Maybe fear is a just a protective reaction of our complex brains? Perhaps it’s a proactive response that occurs to save us from danger and ensure survival? Fight-or-flight, the experts often assert.

Therefore, conquering is unhelpful and as the Bushido Code instructs, the courage to act, even if fleeing fear, must be the objective.

My apprehension of the dark retired when I reached adulthood, and I will continue to address my dread of heights for practical purposes.

Conceivably, the samurai will help me understand. However, I have no desire to play against Gerard Denton ever again.